“Willing to be willing” (SO HARD!)

by: Carole Hicks (Jan 25, 2025)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ~Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

Indeed, I want to find positivity.  I’m not hell-bent on being bombarded with all that is UNTRUE, DISHONORABLE, WRONG, TAINTED, UGLY, DEPLORABLE —

My heart and mind would be healthier to ONLY think on things that are excellent and praiseworthy. This is true!

But I’m reminded that even Jesus wept for Jerusalem.

Luke 19:41-44 (ESV)

⁴¹ And when he drew near and saw the city, he wept over it, ⁴² saying, “Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes. ⁴³ For the days will come upon you, when your enemies will set up a barricade around you and surround you and hem you in on every side ⁴⁴ and tear you down to the ground, you and your children within you. And they will not leave one stone upon another in you, because you did not know the time of your visitation.”

Let me share something that was very difficult for me to hear, accept and follow through many years ago … involving two separate circumstances.

For years (10-15), my heart grieved over a particular situation in my life. I would be awakened in the night by my own tears, mourning the loss of a relationship that was so very dear to me. I begged God for relief and all I could see was the “cause” of this terrible circumstance. My disdain for this person would NOT go away, could not be dismissed on my own accord. Truly my heart was overwhelmed with deep sadness.

Then one night, at the end of myself and my peopleness, I felt God speaking to me. He said, “Yes, you are right. “This person” is at the center of all the grief you are feeling. And all your efforts to remedy the situation by your own means is fruitless and a waste of your time and the call that I’ve placed on your life.”

“Give this situation to Me … for good! Stop trying to figure it out on your own and make things happen. Take care of yourself, and if you must do something, PRAY FOR “THIS PERSON” to accept My Love and My Son as her Savior.”

In my peopleness, I felt nauseous. The ill-feelings I held for this person made me sick to my core and I could not imagine having the wherewithal to care, much less pray, for her mortal soul to be saved. I was weeping … WEEPING from the depths of my Being. But the TRUTH was (is) that I do love the Lord, and I did not want this to be a further source of any disobedience or damage to my heart. So that night, I committed to pray for her.  Every night for at least one year, I prayed for God to put people or circumstances in her path that would draw her to Him and lead to her salvation. God continued to comfort my heart more and more … as I released it ALL to Him.

Several years down the road, to my surprise, this person called me one day at work. When I realized it was her, I got that familiar sickening feeling in my gut. But I was stronger and prepared to hear whatever it was she called about.

She proceeded to tell me that she had been “saved” and “accepted Jesus as her Savior.” I told her that it was good to hear. Then she said, (and this has particular significance from a story for another day), “IF I have ever done anything to offend you, I ask for your forgiveness.”

I immediately replied, “You’re forgiven.”

She said again, (still significant to the other story), “Did you hear me? I said, “IF” I have ever done anything to offended you, ….”

I interrupted her and said, “You’re forgiven. That’s enough.”

She and I will NEVER be friends or even friendly, I suspect. But, after the call, I went to my knees and thanked God for his Divine Providence and helping me to TRUST HIM get through what truly was the roughest time in my life. I asked Him to bless her and help her find her purpose IN HIM ALONE.

The other circumstance involved a colleague (a superior of sorts) that was absolutely overbearing, mean, and demeaning to me and many others. He was a preacher, and the more he interacted with folks, the more I (in my peopleness) was convinced that HE was not the right person for the role to which the church had called him/hired him.

I went to the Senior Pastor and expressed my concerns. And he flat told me I was wrong and that I needed to pray about my feelings. You might think that did not land well with me, but I had deep respect for this pastor and had enough humility to think “I might be wrong” (but I wasn’t convinced). However, I did pray about it.

I wrote in my prayer journal, “Lord, I really do not like ________ at all. He is mean. He is demeaning and insulting to so many people, self-included. IF he is Your Man for this job, then I ask you to let me see him as You see him.” 

The pastor and I had a VERY FRANK discussion. In true Hicks and Polk County fashion, I told him he was an ass and surprisingly, his response was, “Really? How so?”

And I told him. (it’s funny now)

Things weren’t resolved that day. But about six months down the road, I was writing in my prayer journal, and I wrote the words, “God, thank you for ___________. He is such a good friend to me ……”  And suddenly I stopped, realizing what I had just written. I flipped back through the journal to find what I had written all those months ago, and my eyes started leaking!

I’m not one to easily change my mind or give in when I feel strongly about something. So I knew for sure the change had only come about thru God’s Hand.

This pastor and I became good friends. Yes, he was still an ass on many occasions and yes, I was stubborn and prone to disagree and call him out. But somehow, I was able to see that his heart had good intentions, but it also had its own hurt and pain. He continued to struggle in relationships with people, but I knew that he genuinely loved the Lord and as the song goes, the Lord “was still working on him.”  (as He is with me and you too)

This has been a long post.

But I’ve been thinking about this for several days.

I’m at this place again where I just cannot see the true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable aspects of … well, the new president and his associates.

It could be there are none to see … with the human eye.

However, as it says in Proverbs 21:2 – Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts.

The BIG QUESTION for me is … “Will my heart allow me to pray for this man? Can I find it in my soul to ask God to allow me to see him as He sees him? Am I at least “willing to be willing” to set aside my own perspectives; PRAY and let God be God?”

Not easy, but I AM!

I am willing.

What if we (two or more) agree to pray and think in this way … what might we see come to fruition?

I dare say, “He might be saved? His heart might be transformed?”

What about our hearts? Could we be renewed, revived, find relief and respite as we are held tighter in God’s Hands throughout these days ahead?

Hebrews 4:12 says, For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

What if we just prayed that verse over him, and over ourselves daily?

Would anyone commit to join me in this endeavor? What might we be able to tell about this “situation.”

Even if we can’t wholeheartedly … at the very least, can we be “willing to be willing?”