Think Critically
Who among us really must have some kind of mental stimulation at all times in order to have an experience? Is it not possible to "just be" and find satisfaction? Like sitting in a swing on the water's edge ... is this not enough to say, "t'is very enjoyable."
Let’s Mend This!
Who can honestly say that our country, our society, our communities, our relationships in every day life are not in serious need of mending? Hearts are broken and breaking more and more each day as we continue to allow polarization to become commonplace.
It has been said time again that, “The things that unite us are stronger than the things that divide us.” So why do we continue to pull to our corners, always on the ready to come out swinging?
The “heart of America” is broken!
In our “peopleness,” we hold tightly to our innate need to “be right” and disregard any and all semblance of what may feel like surrender of what some call “rights” — but in all essence, so much is just the need to control, and practice arrogance, greed, and selfishness. It’s sin. Plain and simple. There is nothing godly about the way we are behaving toward one another, and yet we scream out that we are a country founded on godly principles.
Well … God is in the business of restoration! And we as individuals and we as a community and country are in dire need of restoration.
“There is a time to tear apart and a time to sew together.
Ecclesiastes 3:7, NKJV
A time to be silent and a time to speak.”
Here we are … most all of us in quandary of what to do. Most of us feeling some degree of stress, anxiety, anger, fear, confusion, chaos… each ungodly manifestations of disobedience.
We long for peace, understanding, clarity, authenticity, TRUTH. These are godly attributes. But we must be willing to let go of our “peopleness” — those aforementioned needs to be in control, to be right, to win or gain at all costs. We must come to the place of humility and acknowledgement that each of us … EACH of us have contributed to the “brokenness” of our own heart and the heart of America.
In the book of Jeremiah (the weeping prophet), chapter 30, God tells Jeremiah to “write everything I tell you in a book,” and He assures him that a “time is coming when I will turn everything around for my people, Israel and Judah…”
God acknowledges the brokenness He sees to Jeremiah (and he wrote it down) …
“Cries of panic are being heard. The peace has been shattered.”
Jeremiah 30, The Message
God also recounts the disobedience of Israel and Judah, but reminds of His Covenant to them. Some will see the message that He gives Jeremiah to deliver as resounding judgement but it is actually His DISCIPLINE. God is disciplining His children in order to correct their misbehavior. He loves His children … even in their disobediance. EVEN IN THEIR “PEOPLENESS.”
Discipline is NOT a comfortable experience. Corrective action requires a change in attitude, accountability, and responsibility. Corrective action is a part of the journey to restoration, but requires effort, hard work. Most of all, it requires DESIRE to do better, to let go of whatever is harbored in our spirits that divides us from each other, fosters those anxieties, fears, stress, anger and separates us from God’s intent and will for our lives.
“God is in the business of restoration.” He’s proven that over and over to people who genuinely seek Him and love Him and want to live and walk humbly with Him and others.
There is probably not a soul on earth that has not experienced some degree of heartbreak. Some may attest that a broken heart endures for a lifetime, and cannot be mended. Some broken-heartedness fosters great despair, loneliness, and “ALONE-NESS” (something that is completely contrary to how God created us). We were created for COMMUNITY … it’s part of our purpose … as we co-exist with all of God’s Creation.
There are many passages in God’s Word that directs us how to begin the mending of a broken heart … how to start the journey toward restoration.
The one passage that comes to mind first and foremost, from an individual perspective which is where each of us must begin is …
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Psalm 139:23-24, NKJV
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
Let’s Mend This!
Things That Last
By: Carole Hicks (April 2011)
Today I was washing my cast iron skillet, and I was reminded of how long I have had that treasured kitchen utensil. I use it often … it’s not like it’s been tucked away in the cabinet. As a “girl raised in the south” (GRITS), I’ve fried many a chicken breast, squash, and okra and stirred up some mighty good sausage gravy in this dear old friend. This cast iron skillet was given to me as a wedding gift about thirty years ago.
This weekend, I also did several loads of laundry and washed a quilt that I also received as a wedding gift. This old quilt is now tattered and torn. In all honesty, the maker of this quilt did not do the best stitching job and it started to come undone much sooner than expected. So, after a while, it was too tattered to use and I have kept it packed away in a chest for the better part of those three decades. While quilts are often considered great treasures, this one does not rank with my skillet … and is nowhere near as useful.
I guess I was waxing a bit melancholic as well as philosophic as I performed these chores this weekend. You see, it has been my birthday weekend. I’m 48 this year … and while that’s not a celebrated milestone, as I refer to it as my “3rd Sweet 16” — it does cause me to reminisce of times gone by. AND … due to much promotion about “Earth Day” … as well as “EASTER” — my thoughts seem to be coming together around things that last or endure … for years … for centuries … for eternity.
Matthew 6:19 says, “”Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.”
The irony in my “waxing” is that those two aforementioned wedding gifts, or treasures, did last much longer than the marriage for which they were intended to celebrate and support (a disappointment that hurts me to this day). While cast iron skillets and even tattered quilts can stand the test of time … relationships of any nature tend to be more susceptible to rust, and mold and other things that corrupt.
I have to wonder … is this why we are so prone to “invest” in things rather than people? We do that in every aspect of our lives (home, work, church, “relationships”) … I am afraid that I do — and for this I am deeply convicted.
I also came upon another tidbit of wisdom (and perspective) these past few days, while reading a book titled, “Last Child In the Woods” by Richard Louv. Where I stand here today relishing these enduring treasures of the past, I also have a bent toward cutting edge technology that helps me learn and accomplish many new and exciting things in my life. The perspective is that we don’t have enough balance between the two. We live in a world of extreme-isms … where it’s all or nothing. Shirk the past, embrace the future … or get left behind. The saddest part is that in pressing onward, we are not accepting or acknowledging valuable, (extremely valuable) lessons from days gone by.
Personally, I feel very, convicted about things in my life that should last but don’t — as well as things that do little more than cause clutter without much use. At the same time, I am conflicted about the “expendables” in life … the things that seem useless, tossed aside or dismissed from lack of perceivable value. We’re bombarded night and day with advertisements and incentives to embrace the “next big or new thing” to improve our life. What really bothers me, and the question at hand is, “Does our life really get better … or do we just get more things.”
I think this is a profound reflection of our value system. In the Western world, (in our homes, our churches, and our businesses), there is “an almost religious zeal” for technology and new gadgets with bells and whistles. Why who wouldn’t rather have some brand new Paula Dean Cookware over this old cast iron skillet that my Granny gave me. And I should probably just throw away this old tattered quilt, since in reality it’s not getting much use compared to the comforter I bought last Spring.
All this got me to thinking and wondering … about how much money, time and effort are spent on things that we know from the get-go are not going to last. We buy for convenience more than longevity. We purchase instant satisfaction, rather than putting any personal effort into an experience. And these ills have filtered over to every aspect of our lives — home, work and church.
In this age of information, we are only a few clicks away for knowing anything and everything about anyone, any place, and any object in the universe. Remember back in the day when you hated to do book reports and research papers because it required reading and learning —- but NOW … it’s just a matter of copy and paste, and VOILA’ … your paper is basically done. (and you can move on to the next thing to entertain and occupy your mind)
The need to sort all this out, came about when I was confronted by my son’s struggle with trying to figure out “how the world was going to come to an end.” Evidently, with current events involving disasters around the world, wars and rumors of wars, and various television specials on the Mayans and their 2012 predictions, he is quite anxious about the pending doom.
I tried to explain to him that according to Holy Scriptures, we don’t or can’t know the time, but we can trust in the Lord with all our hearts, minds, strength and soul. I explained that throughout time there have been disasters and people predicting doom and the end of humanity … and we are still here. He cited the recent events in Japan and other worldly occurrences, and I told him that there have always been these type of events, it’s just that now technology brings news of it on a daily (even minute by minute) basis. Still, God wants us to trust Him … to know that He is in control, and if some tragic event takes place, as His children we will spend eternity with Him in Heaven.
Much to my surprise, his reaction revealed to me just how dangerous and devastating this obsession with the “new” and “cutting edge” has become to our society.
I thought that Heaven would be a comforting aspect for his anxiety … when actually, (while I know he’s just a little boy and must reconcile this for himself), he was concerned about being bored … for an eternity … in Heaven.
My heart sank. My conviction ran deeper. And I knew then that I absolutely must come back to the basics of life and faith and … experience. I tried to recall what my perspective of Heaven and eternity was when I was eleven-years old. I do remember being anxious about the same things that he is now. I had grandparents who loved to sit around and ponder on “the end of times.” It all seemed quite morbid and frightening to me. In all honesty, I did not give much thought to eternity or preserving things in my life to last past the sunset. I could not even begin to imagine what Heaven would be like, and had not a concept of the word eternity. My only concern was “what will happen to me — physically.”
Some forty years later, I can see that of all the things that do last … my physical aspects are the least of these. In fact, that old tattered quilt may last longer than my body. This I understand and I am searching for the grace to embrace it. I do know, and told Jack as well, that a lot of time can is wasted trying to figure out such things … trying to control such things. This time is better spent “investing” in the present, and the preserving matters of life that will last for many years … even if we don’t.
If I should die before I wake, the truth is someone will come into my house and find some treasures. They will find a cast iron skillet and a few old tattered quilts. They will find a library of books that are both dusty and worn … and they will find some that are brand new and never been read. There are gadgets on the counter, computer and cutting edge technologies with cords and gizmos to make them work better, and televisions in each room. There are fat clothes and skinny clothes and shoes to match them all.
Depending upon who comes in and does the rummaging and packing … most of it will probably go to Goodwill.
The truth is … I don’t need all this stuff. I’m quite tired of this stuff. What I really need and what I really want is only what will indeed last for an eternity. AND THIS … is what I hope my son will find.
Something Radical! After the “but”
Lead like Jesus!
Live like Jesus!
Act like Jesus!
Think like Jesus!
As followers of Christ, those are our goals and objectives! To emulate Him is what we should be striving toward. In our heart of hearts we know, we will probably fail, but … That’s it! It is what comes after the “but” that determines how seriously committed you are to faithfully following your Savior.
I was just sitting here thinking, and observing the various Facebook posts about the pending snowstorm. Some are praying for it to divert our area; some are advising about potential loss of power and to “stock up” on necessities that don’t require electricity; others are complaining about the cold and looking forward to a fireplace or snuggling up with hot chocolate with the family. Then I read a post about the homeless guy in New York with the “golden voice.”
With just a little bit of attention from the Today show, this man’s life has been suddenly transformed. He’s received job offers and even a place to live. HE gives the glory of this to God because he said that every day he woke up, he prayed and thanked God for another day to live; HE thanked Him for providing for him just one more time. Sure does tug at your heartstrings!
I’m sitting here now thinking … that we have homeless people all over Cleveland. The Cleveland Emergency Shelter can only house so many (about 20) … what about the rest?
In thinking about the homeless, Holy Spirit reminded me of what Jesus said about himself … “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Luke 9:52
And automatically, I recalled Jesus’ reference to judgement and the Sheep and the Goats:
The Sheep and the Goats
31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
Now … don’t forget what He says to the ones on the left!
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
Back to the matter of leading, living, acting and thinking like Jesus … how committed are we to following Him? Would you go share your evening meal with a homeless person? Have your ever used your leadership skills in your church or family to coordinate serving food at the Emergency Shelter? If some folks are turned away tonight, (and they will be) would you make arrangements for someone to stay in a local motel or better yet, stay in your home?
As a church … why are our doors not opening up tonight for anyone who needs shelter from the storm?
Is there a “but” that’s keeping you from radically surrendering to the call of our Father and His Son … to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, might and spirit, and to love your neighbor as yourself?
Hmmm?
Years ago, there was a mantra that people “spouted” out as a challenge when making decisions in life. “WWJD — What would Jesus do?” Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of the matter! “What are followers of Jesus going to do?”
Imagine the impact on this community if we abandoned the “buts” and did something “RADICAL” like “taking up our cross and following Him.” Better yet, don’t imagine … Experience it for real!!!
The number to the local shelter is 423-478-1458. They open at 4:30 PM … people must leave at 8 AM. Where will they go in the snowstorm???
Lord God, forgive me for my ignorance and my arrogance when it comes to following You. Forgive me that I am so self-absorbed in making my own preparations for the storms ahead that I disengage from the world around me. Forgive me Lord for the times that I’ve driven past someone who needed just the simple necessities of life. Forgive me for the judgement that I have passed … when I have no authority or even a gavel to do that. Forgive me for not showing the grace and mercy that I have been shown. Forgive me, Lord, I beg you.
Today, this day … show me how to lead, live, act and think radically like your Son, Jesus. Help be live out the TRUTH of Who and Whose I claim to be. Help be not be afraid of “what might happen” or to be thwarted by the “buts” … and not follow your direction in Matthew 25.
God, I’m sorry … I really am sorry for my own lack of follow-through. There is an old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and Your Word in Matthew confirms this. Not for my sake though, Lord … instead for YOU and for the person who needs to know that YOU ARE REAL and YOUR LOVE and MERCY are REAL … use me this day!
I won’t pray for you to open a door … I know that all I have to do is walk out my own door and find that the field is WHITE … White today even before the snowstorm cometh.
As Jabez cried out in 1 Chronicles 4:10, I too cry out … “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me …”
I pray these things in the Precious Name of Jesus. Amen.
Are You Leading … or Just Taking A Walk?
In a sermon today, the pastor said, “A leader with no followers is just someone taking a walk.”
Now, not all of us are leaders in the sense that we have a following. But sometimes, I think as followers of Christ, our approach is that we may “follow” like He is just taking a walk. So sad!
And … to be quite honest, as followers of Christ, we are also leaders … as we are commissioned to lead others to follow Him. And therein lies the rub, and point of this post.
If someone were “following you to Christ” … would it be a straight and narrow path, or would it look more like one of those maze puzzles in the funny papers? Shame on us if it is the latter because we have no one to blame except ourselves.
Throughout all the scriptures in the New Testament where Jesus was speaking and interacting with people — HE WAS LEADING THEM TO THE FATHER. He pointed them in that direction, He went that way himself leading by example. He urges us to do the same.
On the way to church this morning, I saw a church sign that read, “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, Can you see Christ in me at all.”
Sobering thought, huh? It was for me. Specifically because of the young man sitting in the car with me. It’s not always an easy or coopertive spirit that display with those closest to us. Jack and I had a bit of heated discussion prior to leaving the house for church. It’s very frustrating for me and him to have these “exchanges” — but I particularly hate it when it happens on Sunday morning.
Even as we were arguing I thought … “Come on, Carole … just let it go. This is no way to positively influence him or help him prepare for a morning of worship.”
When I got in the car, he was sullen and pouting because we had argued. I felt bad and so did he. Then I saw that church sign.
Hearing that point in the sermon, led me to the conclusion that sometimes … with the most important person in my life … I’m just taking a walk. I should be leading … but this little follower may not think I’m going anywhere that he wants to go. That makes me sad — and I must do better … lead better at home.
I must also lead better in other relationships. God has a way of really bringing a point home … even nagging since I’m so hard headed. Even on the way home, He would not let me forget His point. I received a call from someone who wanted to share with me a perspective she gained from church. As she shared her new-found wisdom regarding “maturity” … not being about age but attitude. Again, I was convicted of my own immaturity in dealing with my son. Again … not leading — just taking a walk.
So, day two of 2011 — MY WALK is in the forefront of my mind. Walking is good exercise, but walking and going nowhere or just wandering around … is fruitless. I must re-learn to walk with purpose, and influence others to follow (especially this precious and gifted young man that God has blessed my life with).
And, as mentioned in a previous blog … there is a time for everything and season for every activity under heaven … Right now … is the season for me to FOLLOW and LEAD LIKE JESUS … I can take a walk any ol’ time.
Father God, please forgive me for my shortcomings as a follower of Your Son, Jesus. Forgive me Lord for my shortcomings as a mother, and an example for my son. Thank you for your gentle but stern reminders today of my first and most important priority on this Earth, and thank you for reminding me of my ministry as a mom, sister, friend … the Salt and Light you have called me to be. I’m sorry for allowing my own immaturity to displace what I truly want others to see in me.
Thank you for GRACE and MERCY — help me to lead by example … exemplifying those very virtues in my life to others. OH HOW I LOVE YOU … and I want to WALK WITH YOU … FOLLOW YOU … LEAD OTHERS TO YOU. Remind me every day if you must … so that I’m not just wandering around, wasting time and opportunity to be all that you have called me to be.
In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.
Life Lessons From A Storm
By: Carole Hicks
According to Wikipedia, a storm is any disturbed state of a body’s atmosphere that especially affects its surface, and strongly implies that severe weather is happening.
Storms are characterized by strong wind, thunder and lightning, heavy precipitation (even ice) or wind that transports some substance through the air, such as dust, snow or hail.
Storms are created when a “center of low pressure develops, with a system of high pressure surrounding it. This combination of opposing forces can create winds, and result in the formation of clouds.”
Incidentally, those small, localized areas of low pressure can form from hot air rising off the hot ground, resulting in smaller disturbances such as “dust devils and whirlwinds.”
Yes … that all sounds mighty familiar. That’s what storms are … even the storms in our lives. Somebody, somewhere, along the way was surely a “meteorologist of the soul,” to recognize the troubles and trials of our lives would be like storms.
Some people are really afraid of storms, especially children. Back in the early 1970’s, a series of tornados swept the Southeast and for months and months, every child I knew got scared when a dark cloud rolled in. During that spring of 1974 (I think), I remember the whole family gathering at my aunt’s house because she had a small concrete building for us to take cover. Everyone gathered near that building … except Grandpa. He sat on the porch, rocking and smoking his pipe. Granny pleaded with him to “Stop being stubborn and come down to the building.” But he refused, claiming that “if the Good Lord was going to take him in a storm, that building would not stop Him.”
We stood in front of the building watching the sky, and then Grandpa pointed across the field to where we saw a perfectly formed funnel cloud crawling along the horizon. “It’s coming up the river.” Grandpa said. And he was right … the next day we discovered through the news and word of mouth that a tornado had touched down along the Hiwassee and many people lost chicken houses, barns and yes, trailers. The tornado we saw was probably about ten miles away and we could not hear the mighty roar that is usually associated with it. But, the sky was completely black, and the atmosphere did take on an eerie stillness, even in the midst of the wind. We were soon rushed into the building as it started to rain and then hail. Then that storm was over.
Because storms are a traumatic, they are memorable. I remember another time when I encountered such a storm. My daughters and I had been to Delano to visit their Grandma Poteet. We had started home because it was blowing up a storm and no sooner had we pulled out on the highway than the sky in my rearview mirror turned black. I saw lightning flash and thunder began to roll, and it was like we were being chased by the storm. I was scared. It was coming a downpour behind me, but in front of me it was cloudy but not threatening. The girls saw the storm too and we were all three frightened by it. I started driving faster, trying to outrun it; and we did. Or at least, we made it home where we could get inside. But only minutes later, the skies around our house turned ominous and I was certain that a tornado would touch down. So the three of us got into a closet in the back part of the house and we held each other until the storm passed.
And there was one other incident when I was smack-dab in the middle of a storm. It was my birthday and I was driving to Memphis for a soccer clinic. As I topped Monteagle Mountain, the skies began to gray and the radio stations announced that there was a tornado watch for the middle Tennessee area. It got gloomier and gloomier as I drove into Nashville. Driving around Music City, I remember thinking, “Wonder why tornados never touch down in big cities?”
About twenty minutes later, I’m stuck in traffic on the interstate, somewhere near Dickson, because it is raining so hard that no one can see the road. I remember driving under a bridge and thinking, I should pull over right here and wait. But I didn’t. I just kept creeping along until all traffic just stopped. Suddenly, the rain turned to ping-pong ball sized hail and the sky was completely black. I started to panic, thinking I should get out of the car and lie in the ditch. I opened the door of my car, but noticed no one else was getting out of their cars … no one was running toward the ditch. Grandpa had always said that’s what you should do … but then again, he wouldn’t get off the porch to take shelter from the storm. So I sat there, frozen in fear. There was a roar and rumble and I thought the car was shaking but it may have just been my “atmospheric surface.” It probably lasted about two minutes, but it seemed like thirty. Then it was gone. The torrential rains turned back to a spring shower and traffic started moving again.
About half-hour later, the radio announcer said that a “tornado had touched down in downtown Nashville.” So what’s the rest of the potential life lessons from a storm?
Well, storms happen everywhere … to everyone … and can pop up at anytime, even when you least expect them, or even when you are alert and looking for them. Recognizing the nature of a storm, (a disturbance affecting the surface and situation, but definitely coming from pressure within and without), might help one know what’s actually happening. Being prepared and knowing what to do before the storm and during the storm is also wise.
Here’s counsel from FEMA and the National Weather Service:
- When a tornado warning is issued “take cover” in the lowest part or center of the house.
- IF you live in a mobile home (a portable or unstable dwelling), LEAVE and get to a safe building.
- When you are outside with no shelter available … lie flat in a ditch or depression and cover your head with your hands. (hmmm?) But be aware of the potential for flooding. (That was one reason I didn’t want to get out of the car and get in the ditch).
- DO NOT get under an overpass or bridge.
- Never try to outrun a tornado, instead leave the car or truck and seek shelter.
- Oh, and watch for flying debris!
Storms are going to stir up some emotions in your life. They are liable to blow some junk into your thinking, and turn over a few sheds and lawn ornaments. It might be scary and you might not know whether to run and hide or be still and watch it happen. Either way … it’s best not to panic in a storm. Be sober and keep your wits … and whether you are listening to the meteorologists or the Peace Speaker, know where your Strong Shelter is and go there!
On a final note, a friend of mine shared this analogy following a storm this week.
Having awakened early after a night of storms, she looked out her window to see all the dead limbs that were down in her yard and neighborhood. Taking in the results of the fierce winds, she came to this realization: “It’s in the storms of life where God tears away the dead/ugly/bad parts of our lives.” (Robin Conn)
So there is purpose in a storm!
There IS Redemption for Harlots
There was a time when I thought that I would “never NOT go to church.” When I first became a follower of Jesus Christ, I loved being with other believers, felt loved and welcomed; I thoroughly appreciated the opportunity to listen to sermons and sing in the choir or with the congregation. I was excited to go, learn, grow in my spiritual journey.
Over the past 45 years, my spiritual journey has never stopped, but there have been times when I did not attend church services. I kept studying God’s Word, and praying/talking/walking with Him, but thru various life stages/circumstances, “church attendance” was not a part of my routine.
There was a time in my life that I felt “called” to serve the Lord in some official capacity. I felt that call way back when I was about 17-years old. HOWEVER, “norms” that I knew back then and along my path for about 20 years, led me to “think” that “someone like me” could never be truly “called” by God to serve Him, especially through church work.
My misconception was that to “work for the Lord” one had to serve thru a church or some kind of religious organization. I KNOW BETTER NOW, but it was a hard/painful lesson to learn … in peopleness.
I once engaged in a Bible study (The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge) that posed the challenge/question to “go back in time when you first heard God’s call on your heart.” I could easily go back to being 17 years old. Then, the challenge was to recall the times/instances since “hearing that call” that you were ready to answer, but you were blocked by … well, SPIRITUAL WARFARE, or those “fiery darts of Satan.” (which usually came through people who may or may not have known they were being used by the Devil)
When I journaled thru this study and wrote down those “watermarks” in my life, tears streamed down my face. I started realizing that all the times that I felt rejected, dejected, unusable or unworthy of serving God thru church or those religious organizations, that it was WARFARE! But I remember saying to God, “I wish I could have served you in a “bona fide” way” (thinking that was in a church role) and consistently repenting and apologizing for “messing things up” so that I was not useful to Him.
Then ONE DAY … a huge life circumstance happened … after yet another one of my less than wise choices … and I found myself pregnant. I had just started back attending church and feeling better about how my life was going, then when this reality hit, I recall saying to God, “Well, I screwed up again. I’m so sorry. You will never be able to use me now. I just need to accept how I’ve failed You.”
I was 37 years old. I was at the “end of me” … so tired of struggling. So tired of being lonely, feeling unloved, feeling worthless/useless and unable to “fix” my life. I didn’t know how I was going to survive or manage this new situation. I just felt I would be doing it all alone. I was incredibly sad.
Certainly, abortion was an option. But I’d been down that route before and I knew how devastating that had been to my soul. With the last bit of hope I had in me; I prayed and begged God to give me the courage to see this through. And while I knew these circumstances would ruin any testimony I could ever have as a “CHRISTIAN” … I wanted to have this child and be the best mother to him that I could be.
About 2 months after I realized I was pregnant, a friend came to me and said, “I am going to be starting a new ministry at Westwood, and I would like for you to be my assistant.”
I looked him dead in the eye and said, “I’m pregnant.”
And without hesitation, he replied, “Well, I am going to be starting a new ministry at Westwood, and I would like for you to be my assistant.”
I told him that I would love to accept that job, but I could not without the Pastor (Bob Bell) knowing my situation first. So, he went to Pastor Bell, and then the Pastor called me in to talk to him. He asked me a few questions about my “skills and abilities to do the job” and then he asked if I planned to marry the father of the child. I said, “NO.”
Then he said, “Well, we’ll be your family then.” And I accepted the job.
Who would have ever thought that God would allow an unwed, pregnant woman to serve Him in a public way thru His Church? I was in the biggest mess of my life and while I expected to still be kicked to the curb when the baby was born (because he would be biracial), I never expected God to have a “message” from my “mess.”
There are quite a few difficulties in the long story, but I ended up serving the God thru a bona fide church role for about seven years. For the “most part” it was a good seven years, and I made some wonderful, loving friends. But another thing that Pastor Bell told me when I accepted the job was “You are going to see and hear things that will be hurtful and turn you off from the church. You are going to need a tough skin.” And he wasn’t talking about the gossip pertaining to my situation. He was talking about the politics and “peopleness” and such as that. He was right. Tho’ “TOUGH SKIN” was not enough. And I soon found that some of those matters of church politics and peopleness would require a “tough heart and soul” too.
One of the pastors on staff, with whom I worked closely, consistently advised me, “Carole, you do not need to be serving in “this box” … The gifts God has given you will be much more fruitful out in the marketplace and the world.” While I absolutely knew what he meant, I was not in a place where I could just “give up” and find that “other place” to serve. But the peopleness of the church life kept piling on and just wreaking havoc on my emotional health. I wanted to get out, but I did not want to “quit on God.” And I was so distraught in my spirit, I could not see options.
Finally, one of my doctors wanted to prescribe me some antidepressants to help me “deal” with my anxiety of “work.” And I said, “I do not want to take a drug to be able to work for my church.” And he said, “Then Carole, you must find different work.”
God blessed me so richly with a wise, critically thinking daughter who has always been able to “think with clarity” … she encouraged me to “get out” and “go back to school.” And God blessed me with a mentor/friend, who also was able to think critically and with clarity, and said, “GET OUT, and let me help you get back on your feet.” So, I took a leap of faith, applied to college, took the ACT, and received a full scholarship. With my friend’s help, I was able to “break free” and take respite in a new path before me.
My heart and my spirit were broken “in the church” but not by God … not by Jesus. I suppose I just put too much stock in the “organization” of people. For me, church became more about programs and policy and yes, “pretense” — and the conflict I felt in my “being” was too overwhelming to bear.
As it all turned out, my pastor friend was correct about “the marketplace.” It is a better mission field for me. The “organization of church” was a confining box – unbearably confining for me. After a few years in college and finding work “in the world” – I tried to go back to church. I left the one I served in and joined a different one where a friend was Pastor — only to be faced with more “politics and peopleness” and heartache.
I’ve not been able to return to “the church.” These days, so many people I talk to have similar stories about “not being able to go to church.” It’s not just the normal “church politics” these days … it’s the “world politics” that has entered the business of church. I can’t bear it … there is NO PLACE for politickin’ intermingled with worship.
WORSHIP is about GOD … HE IS TO BE THE FOCUS.
Even when I was serving in the church, I witnessed what was ALL TOO OBVIOUS that in worship services, the “focus” was switching from GOD being the audience, to “people” being the audience and needing to be “inspired/entertained/validated.”
These days I hear “church folk” talk about “being persecuted by the world” — and I hear “folk in the world” talk about “being persecuted by the church.”
One time I was talking with Pastor Bell about one of the programs I was tasked to “sell” (promote/communicate) … and I said to him, “I have no problem at all “selling Jesus” — but I do have some qualms about “selling” the church and programs.”
He said firmly, “Listen … when you sell the church, you ARE SELLING JESUS. The CHURCH is the BRIDE OF CHRIST, and you need to remember that.”
Well, in theory that’s true. The CHURCH IS THE BRIDE OF CHRIST.
I DO NOT WANT to think poorly of “the BRIDE OF CHRIST” — and for all God’s intentions for her, I do not think poorly.
BUT this is going to be a strong statement and I’m certain many well-meaning saints will gasp and have a come-apart. It’s hard for “folk” to see Jesus … when the BRIDE is “showing out” and conducting herself as a “harlot.”
Our idea of a harlot is one who sells herself for pleasure/sex/things/power/position.
There have been numerous bible scholars speak and write on the concept of “the harlot church.” Spiritual adultery … serving mammon/man … and not God … for their own gain. It’s a dangerous situation, but it has been foretold in Revelation.
It speaks of a complex process of religious, political, and economical systems that stand in opposition to God, Jesus, and His Will for people. The BRIDE of CHRIST is supposed to be alignment with God’s Will — obeying the teachings of Jesus — being the SALT and LIGHT to preserve the world in Jesus Name.
What’s happening with the church — THE BRIDE OF CHRIST?
During all the chaos and disconnect, I am so “heartened” when there are “glimmers” of hope and light through those VOICES CRYING IN THIS WILDERNESS. I also HOPE that those who are disenchanted, disappointed, and disengaged from “the church” can see (despite what my pastor said to me in his chastisement) … that JESUS is not the “organization” called “church.” Regardless of the denomination, “people” run those organizations — and people mess up … A LOT!
When people mess up … there is a path back to the BRIDEGROOM! EVEN FOR BRIDES WHO ACT LIKE HARLOTS … there is a path to REDEMPTION.
Soul Food 